I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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