i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i out mim tonsoeep
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