Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize