We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
