I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
