She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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