i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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