I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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