We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize