im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this just has baby written all over it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
