kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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