I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
