You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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