woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize