Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
