Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize