i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
