2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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