do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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