We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
