Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
