i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
