Christians are straight up FREAKS
she was so not down for the gang bang
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
