Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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