just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
