Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
