Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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