I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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