I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't notice because vodka
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
