I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can you bring me the toilet please
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
