dude i'm inner monologue high
the condom got lost in my hair
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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