I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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