I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
