Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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