Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
