I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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