He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
