It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh god it's open bar.
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