Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
where does the pee come out of this thing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
