she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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