Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
