What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
