Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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