Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
