Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
