maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
