All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
