brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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