My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
