please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
