He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
