oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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