I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
