He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize