I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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