I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize