so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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