; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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