I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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