I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
