I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I deserve this hangover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
