I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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