We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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