Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
