Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
