I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
