A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
