There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
