I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
