Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
