I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
