$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
