My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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