I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
