i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
