3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
