I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
