How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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