4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
