i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
