Pappa wants mamma naked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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