I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
