Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
