Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's blow job season.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
