Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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