Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
