Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
