So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
