Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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