I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize