Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's the barista slut.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize