You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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