Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
