idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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