so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
