Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize