I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize