i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
