Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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