Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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