Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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