yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
