Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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