so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
