i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
