I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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