Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
