I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
